A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
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