I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
