I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Im part way to drunk.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
