It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize