One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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