but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
