If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
