So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
