You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
