I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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