If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
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