I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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