honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
What a dumb baby whore.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
