We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
