so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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