drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Did you just see the Batmobile???
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize