I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
