everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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