Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize