When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
only you would photoshop your dick
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
