sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
