I think I died a long time ago.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize