need another drink. this is the easiest way
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
