So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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