I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
