So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Randomize
