Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
