Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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