If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
