somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Randomize
