meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
