I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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