Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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