i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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