The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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