Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
