I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
