Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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