What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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