I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
