Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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