I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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