I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
