so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
