If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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