So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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