I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
