Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
