I need to stop coming to work sober
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
