Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
