i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
