Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize