Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
