I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
