we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I intend to get homeless drunk
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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