I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
