I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
