Where is the hickey?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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