i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
