Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize