this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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