I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
