He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
