I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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