Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
