he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
