dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
