the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Sorry about my life...
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
