Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
