The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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