He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
