I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
