she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
